Are you in a financial bind? Is life throwing you a sack of problems? Wife or girlfriend left you?
Fret not- for I can ease all of your troubles. I'm humbly offering my services as an aspiring professional killer. You've heard of people who 'got in early' on a trend or money making scheme. Well, this is your opportunity to do just that. Granted, the activity is somewhat different from that of a pyramid scheme or dot com craze, but let's be honest- isn't it about time that you lost your life?
Most graciously, I am extending an offer to you that could change your life in a most dramatic fashion. I'll kill you! It doesn't have to be painful, but if that's what you're into, I'm certainly on board. It would be more fun to stab, bludgeon, or choke a person to death than it would be to simply sit down with you for a couple of poison drinks....... well... I guess only yours would be poison. But anyhow.....
If you're in doubt, just think of what it really is that you've got to look forward to anyhow. See! Nothing worthwhile! If you've read this and are ready to die but don't have the guts to do it yourself, it would be my distinct pleasure to carry out the act for you. Let me kill you!